Have you ever made an assumption about how something will be done or what will happen and then  been surprised or frustrated about things turning out differently to what you expected?

Or have you ever created meaning from what someone has done or said without checking the reality or  facts? Shortcuts in understanding can lead to long roads of confusion and frustration! It is really easy to  make an assumption because we assume that other people think like us and would do what we naturally  think is logical. Unfortunately this isn’t the way the world works. With years of working or living together, it  gets easier to make assumptions about what we think someone wants or what they will think, feel or do. Is  it not dangerous to be assumptive about assumptions?!   
 
An assumption is defined in the dictionary as ‘taking something for granted’. So why do we take something for granted?  
 
Because we think we’ve been clear when we haven’t; because we think we’ve spelled things out when we  haven’t; because we think we can get away with something or cutting corners when we’re busy, when we  can’t. Children have been left waiting to be collected after school, relationships have ended because of lack  of nurturing, tasks have been done incorrectly, tasks have been duplicated, house moves have taken twice  as long as they needed to, all because assumptions have been made.  
 
Why we make assumptions

We make assumptions because we mistakenly assume that what is important to us, our values, and what  we believe is the same for other people, when it’s not. No-one, not even identical twins have had exactly  the same experiences, lives, problems and so it is impossible for us to completely know why someone is  how they are or does what they do. No wonder life is complex because we rely so much on interactions  with other people.   
 
Our values and beliefs shape how we see the world and how we screen information. Values are the things  that are important to us e.g. honesty, loyalty, success, belonging etc and beliefs e.g. my work must be  perfect, men must behave as gentlemen etc are what we believe to be true based on our experiences.  Both values and beliefs shape our view of the world, our attitudes and our behaviours. Because we can’t  see inside people’s heads and only hear what they share with us, we get ourselves into all sorts of pickles  by making assumptions, filtering information through the filters of our own unique values and beliefs.   

The pitfalls of assuming meaning with no evidence  

It is easy to create meaning out of nothing. Especially with fear and insecurity a normal part of being human. We can tie ourselves in all sorts of knots with this one! Much mental energy and chatter is wasted.  
 
Are you a good mind-reader? Are you an expert at creating meaning from what others do and say without checking? Here’s some examples:  

• your boss doesn’t chat with you as much as they do with your colleague, so you assume that they don’t like you as much
• your parents don’t show an interest in your life, so you assume they don’t care  
• your partner doesn’t call when they say they will, so you assume they are getting up to something  
• your phone doesn’t ring all weekend, so you assume that everyone is out having a whale of a time partying and you are the only ‘Norman no mates’ at home by yourself    
• you don’t get a promotion when you expect, so you assume the company doesn’t want you to stay  
• your phone call to a prospect doesn’t get returned, so you assume they aren’t interested in working with you  
• a friend doesn’t get in touch with you for a while, so you assume they are not bothered about the friendship when the reality might be that they might be ill, going through an emotional crisis or under immense pressure at work   
• a colleague in a different department doesn’t do what you asked them to do so you assume that they are inefficient when actually you don’t really know the reason for their lack of response  
  

10 tips to avoid making assumptions

1. Ask open (who, what, when, where, how) questions to clarify assumptions e.g. How exactly are you proposing to do that?
2. In project/team meetings and when writing proposals, spell out any assumptions being made verbally and in writing 
3. Summarise what you think is being agreed to check understanding 
4. When delegating to someone else, get them to replay back to you their understanding of what they are going to do. This will highlight any assumptions they are making  
5. Get into the habit of having a ‘what assumptions am I making?” self-check before winding yourself into a frenzy and letting your imagination go AWOL about things that frustrate you  
6. Remember that younger people have less years and experiences to draw upon when making decisions than people with more years on the clock, so consider mentoring them   
7. Listen to your internal mental chatter and make sure that you’ve had an external conversation to check assumptions as well as an internal one  
8. If in doubt, ask and double check  
9. Don’t get lazy or complacent and make assumptive short cuts just because you think you know someone well.  It’s dangerous and you may end up with egg on your face  
10. Ask yourself “Where/when does making assumptions cause me problems and what can I do about it?”